Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I deserve this hangover.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
