I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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