the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
