I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
