jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
