I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize