My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
