Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sarcasm needs its own font
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
