Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
