he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize