I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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