oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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