this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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