I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
