Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
