I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
