we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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