your parents love me but you hate me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize