We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
