He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
