Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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