when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
