I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
