So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
