You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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