Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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