I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
