you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
