I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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