he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
