you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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