The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
