after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
