i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
