She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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