my vag is so smooth its legendary
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
