I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
