something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
