i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
