seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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