I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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