The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
