I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
