Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
