I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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