you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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