just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
