haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
