Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
