I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
