Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
