i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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