I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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