**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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