If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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