OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
