I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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