I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
