We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
