What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
