please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
