Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
there is glitter all over my balls
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
