Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
