After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
