i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize