i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I can tuck mytits in my pants
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
