He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's blow job season.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
