were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
