Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
