im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
