and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
