thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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