I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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