See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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