Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
