He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
