i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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