it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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