After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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