I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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