I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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