I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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