The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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