I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
