yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
