my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
