i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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