our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
